A Shattered World...

Tonight, my world shattered.

Once vast beyond measure and deep without end, it shrank into a tiny chest of feelings — small enough to fit inside a clenched fist. I didn’t understand what had happened; I only felt something inside me explode, scattering into billions of fragments that swept away my peace, my balance, my harmony. In that instant, the world I had so carefully guarded, so passionately worshiped, the one I had taken such pride in — vanished like mist in the first rays of dawn.

Only, there were no rays.

The black night swallowed the dust of my shattered world, devouring it greedily into an abyss, where the flame of guilt licked it clean — like a child savoring sugar from her fingers. And somewhere deep inside — I don’t know whether in my heart or in my soul, or simply in that wordless place where I feel the deepest — loneliness took form. It stands before me, gazing with eyes full of despair, cheeks streaked with tears, hair tangled, dress dirty. Somewhere, the castle of my love, my dreams, and my beautiful illusions has fallen.

I stand barefoot among the ruins, my heart pierced and bleeding, and stare into the distance… toward where you’re walking away — alone, without me — after saying just a few cold words, no apology, only, “It just happened.” I try to understand what went wrong, but you don’t explain. You just go, carrying my heart torn from my chest. Droplets of blood fall, marking your trail across the dusty ruins of our crumbled castle.

I stand there, watching you fade away without me. And I don’t know — should I collapse and cry out from pain, or should I swallow my tears in silence, feeding their salt to the rising anxiety that seems to whisper:

 “What will you do now?”

I don’t know. Because I don’t know how to live without you. I don’t know — and I don’t want — to be alone in an empty house. It’s too cold without your voice. Too stranger without your face. It feels useless when there’s no one to wait for.

I stand lost among the debris. No, I don’t try to gather myself from the shards. I don’t want a version of me pieced together from pain, glued with silent tears, made of faded, colorless scraps of what once were feelings. I ceased to exist the moment careless words scattered and pierced me with sharp arrows.

Now, I am empty — bloodless — my tears spent and my voice gone, calling out for you into some lost wind, as if you were air itself, without which I cannot exist. When you left, you killed everything inside me. And I don’t want to rise.

I don’t have the strength to fall and weep. I don’t have the strength to call your name, because I know — you won’t turn back. You won’t look at me again. And without your gaze, the world stops spinning and draws the life out of me.

I close my eyes… for in darkness, the pain is sharper, more real. I don’t expect it to fade — nor do I want it to. Let it destroy me, slowly or all at once… until I dissolve into memory.

I open my eyes. The darkness, together with the night wind, caresses my back. A shiver runs through me. But I don’t hurt anymore.

And only then does consciousness return from the dream. For several minutes, I lie there in the dark, staring at the ceiling, trying to recover from that soundless scream into despair.

I sit up in bed. I know I am alone — here. Because you’re waiting for me there. What separates us are only days and distance, measured by earthly means. For our world is one — whole, indivisible — not by halves, not by parts.

And nothing soothes me like your voice, whose echoes ring inside me like church bells… The mere knowing that you are with me is what lets me rise from the dream and step into the day — a day filled with color, carried on the fragrance of freshly ground coffee beans.